What it all comes down to.

And so it began.

Tracking back our memory lane. Here goes, 3 years back.


2nd March 2010 7:31pm

I'm here tonight to remember about my first date with my Joshua Wong Jun Wai! :D It was on the 19th of Feb..


''-

I woke up, cleaned up, nervous (duh) dressed up, woke dad, and just went like that..I only had my purse and phone with me..reached train station around 8.30am..I went in straight, and when I turned..OMG! why is dad still there!! damn,die! I acted  like nothing's wrong, went back and opened car door '爸，你zomok 哦? O.o~~" he wanted to wait for Joyce and Jane.. I said they're ard on their way, and to my relief!! 'ok la ok la~' saw him drove away, i heaved a big big sigh! and hohh, as usual, i was thinking that he might stop somewhere, thinking too much..

Anyway I rushed to the counter and bought a to and fro ticket to Mid Velleyyy~ x) I even asked him which platform to go.. lol, sat somewhere, asked an auntie to double confirm, and we talked for awhile, then the train came..when I got up, dang it, so many things running in my head. I wasn't wearing specs, any man with shirt and jeans gave me a shiver..from far, yea..anyone could be him ==' yes i mean dad. haha..and then PUFF! There was a jiejie sitting next to me, so..nyeknyek..I could just ask her for help. XD

shoosh, back here lol..the train finally moved at 9am sharp..relieved! There were like 10+ stations in total..didn't count, couldn't remember...because everything seemed so blur..I was just thinking too much about him.. Our date, has finally reached.. =) Each station I passed by, my heart thumped even stronger..until I reach Kajang, there was a family with 2 adults n 3 children..or 3 young men lol..eh 3 teens la! xD  about my age. They stood in front of me..err, faced me..kinda uneasy O.o

After like one or two stations, I asked the mother beside me.. 'Auntie, 还有多少站到 MV ar?' 'ha~ 我不知道的，你问他！' She was smiling a little, pointing at her kids..they told me only 2 stations..

Ahh~ so, 2 more to go..? =)

When I finally reached, I thanked them, and went down. 'dup dup...' 'dup dup...'
Josh: (10:13am) 'Means you at mid valley liao hun?'
Me: 'Yeah O.o'
Josh: ' Actually, I'm not at mid valley, I'm at Pyramid now had skating with other friends hun..sorry baby, sudden change of plans..I'll be over there in 2 hours hun.'

HAHA he's lying, obviously! xD how could somebody type such a long msg in less than half a minute. He sure typed it before that already =x But anyway, I still went blank for awhile, and replied anyway..

Me: '...What? U kidding me hun?'

lol..I was walking up the stairs..a few sconds later I looked up...

.....man..he was standing right in front of me..... =)
'so easy kena cheat one ah you..'
I smiled..couldn't remember what I said, for I was too, nervous. Hehe..so yeah, I went through the small gate..he told the guard 'err,sudah buang o.o' he let him went thru too..(lol, small little thing i know xD memories eh!) so we walked along the over bridge..he had his hands over me, my shoulder.. =) oh ya, he passed me something too, a plastic bag.. 'nah, for u..' aww =')

I kinda opened the plastic bag, saw a little teddy =p took it out, went all 'woahhhh~' heh~ he said I looked the same in reality..until we reached the roadside, crossed the road halfway, 'close your eyes..' 'huh?why?' 'just close ur eyes..' 'why??' 'aiya ok la~' (he gave up lol)
he..took..out..a tiny box...omg...what could it be..ring?..yes ring. 'open and see'.
Very slowly, i opened the box..RING!! =D
Damn I was soo happy! ^^ 'u hv one also?' 'yeah..' we wore them on the spot..SWEET!

We walked in MV, he gave me his hand, I held his..there, we were holding hands, walking..feelings of excitement just struck in..damn..I'm walking with my boy! Told him it was actually my first time to hold someone's hand, guy, yeah..
me: 'actually no lah, first time was when i was in standard 1, the guy sits beside me one..i was on the way to toilet, then he came from behind n just grabbed my hand o.o'
Josh: 'okay, ure still innocent, forgive u.'
lols he's so cute. =p

and then, we went all the way to the other end of MV, went out, and he asked a traffic police how to get to pavillion.. later, he said, 'I thought you'll bring bag' 'no, i dont bring bag one, mafan' 'yeah I forgot, you're not normal girl also..' 'weii!'

lol..

we took taxi, there was a line of them, went to the nearest one, he asked us to go all the way to the front, he asked the middle one, again he said the same, then we went to the 2nd taxi, again, nop..lol until the first taxy, he said 'yeah, here' we laughed.

Got in, my baby talked to the driver, blabla.. We reached, got down..and he said, 'comes to socializing, I'm still the one better at it =p'

lols..Gosh I wrote 4 pages, just to talk about our journeys..lol! loads more to go! =p

We walked around looking for theater..he put his hand around my waist, ahhh...~ bought ticket, Wolfman~ He wanted to watch Percy Jackson..'i watched ard..' Valentines day was full.. 'is there any more movie with couple seats?' the counter lady said 'yes, Wolfman' ...aw sorry darling, RM15 per tix. The lady gave us Sunsilk shampoo o.o 'nolah nonit' 'it's free..' 'oh its free? o.o okla take la'.. hahah

Next to cinema was Redbox..he went to enquire bout the price and stuff..booked a room, named Joshua~lol..then we went to look for fooooood~! lols..walked around and in the end we went OldTown.. 'I phobia oldtown, cuz i lost my specs there..'

We ordered  lemon honey ice, and toasted butter. Took pictures, talked, pijak each other n stuff..lols =p we shared the food, and they gave us one OldTown calender..still with me lols..

Here comes, the most memorable moment..we walked around, and without realizing, we're at some secluded place..no one else we could see, only both of us..and then, he pulled me into a janitor's walkway..we hugged.....for the first time, i hugged a guy..so tightly, so lovely..and suddenly, 'DOM' a lady came out from nowhere! We let go of each other, well it was actually me who pulled myself away but, he was still holding me, drew me close again..'its ok lah, couple mah..' he said.

then, we noticed a door..woo~ o.o he went in, i was pretending to read the notice on the wall..the lady came back..so i went in the door too..ahh perfect! now nobody can see us =p

he hugged me once again, and leaned on the wall..I was so close to him...hands on his chest, his were around my waist, holding me so close! and then, slowly...he held my face... 'come, darling..' he said. I looked up and..

*kisss..

I went blank, totally blank!

I couldn't believe I was doing that...no way...

I gave away my first kiss, to the one I love soo much! The only thing in my mind, was just him and him alone..

'clarkk' kacau, a guy walked out from a door not far away..what the heck, another door? lol... we stopped for a moment..ohya, the plastic bag, I left it on the floor liao..until the guy left, we went close again.

*hugs.. and for the second time, *kisss... I could feel him...our lips pressed against each other's...the kiss.....

We stopped, in each other's arms, melted..and then looked at the watch, it was almost 12pm, our movie was about to start..so yea, we left..

On the way to theater, he whispered 'You just learned how to french kiss...' he's so sweet...

We went in cinema, sat right at the top row..he wrapped his hands around my body..ahh..throughout the whole movie, we only talked a little.. 'I wasn't concentrating at all..' 'yea, me too..'

And hence the movie.

It ended at 2pm..we went for food~ round n round..didn't know what to eat..couldn't find McD, woot ==' he told me he did a test, and it said he's the leader type.. 'They said, leader can never be together with another leader' We looked at each other..O.O 'oh that means I can't be a leader lor?' 'You're already one what...'

And finally, we went foodcourt, western food! Pizza wheee! 'Anything with cheese~'...and he hugged me from behind..so wheee,  we ordered cheese pizza, I paid. lol. We sat at a corner, face to face.

'let's give thanks..' *closes eyes*

he was mumbling, I only could hear this, 'pelajar yg bukan Islam sila...'

'Oii! properly la xD'

He kept on doing that till I pinched his face =p

'hahaha, okok..'

He's so cute.. =)

So he prayed, Amen! (oh and he took the wrong cutlery lols..)

Makan halfway, '3rd one?' he nodded. 'o.o..still the first..' 'haha..' He gave me the one with lotsa cheese~ 'you take lahh...just take it, I know you want it..heheh' He fed me the first bite..

9:37pm now..wrote for 2 hours =p 9th page ard....anyway, I'll stop here..wanna on9 wohoo~ tmr Sports day (wed) no school! x) kies, continue later, or maybe tomorrow =x, byes!

-''

3rd March 2010 10:38pm

Just finished my account homework~ Okay, I shall continue with my date =p

''-

After makan, we walked to Redbox..before that we bought an ice cream..Rm7+, I paid, he fed me.. o.o Redbox was cool, like it lols..only both of us in there, so whee, you know larh xP we sang a few songs, ordered Sprite, took pictures, blabla..we even took turn to wear specs lol..

I sang Lee Hom's song, he changed the key for me, recorded somemore!

Oh ya, he damn cute..cause I said, 'Percy Jackson nice larr, leng zaii maa..' then he looked at me like this >> O-o...hahaha *pinch!

We sang 你是我心内的一首歌, recorded that too~ and yea, I sat on his lap..lol..until suddenly my phone beeped, 姐sms me, 'mii ask u take lots pics show us..' he went 'shit.'...i was worried, so i got up and sat on the sofa, worried. He hugged me, 'why worry..'

4pm+, one lady came in and told us that the buffet will end at 5pm, so we went out for food. The buffet was very nice, only we couldn't find suitable food lol..was very cold, then he got me a big warm bowl..whee. I held the bowl, and he hugged me... =)

No food in the end, so we went back in lor..I couldn't really remember what we did after that..he asked me to drink, so I took the glass and drank with the straw, he then said something about my character lol. He drank without straw, and he said he was another type of person, forgot what was it. o.o aiya don't bother larr not important hahax. Most important part was, we kissed in the room too..ahh..I can never, forget, his kiss..sigh...

He sang a song, something like err, Sandy or Randy.. 'stand up, stand up..' blabla, I forgot, it's a rap song, and woahh, don't know why, but he sounded so...nice! despite that the lyrics was a little..swt.. 'sorry lah, exposed to you these kind of songs..' heh..when time finally came to an end, we hugged and kissed, and went out of Red Box, took taxi from Pavillion to MV..we asked a few cabs, they charge rm25, we didnt want, so he said we can walk to KL centre and take monorail o.o... so we asked the last cab, the driver said rm20 so we took it..he was holding me in the cab..and when we were in Pavillion, we talked alot..

he asked, 'when's your birthday?' I was like OMG!you forgot! dang, I was a lil disappointed..how could he..TT so I told him October.. 'hmm, still so long..' then I asked, 'do u rmb my hp number?' 'yea, 0169552820'.. then i was like O.o..'woah..i can't rmb urs haha' 'k la, forgive you, fair enough'..

hehe, i love talking and joke like this with him, he's so cute... =)

We shopped for clothes. I mean, I wanted to look for pants, and to buy something, just to cover up the bear o.o couldn't find. so we went in a shop, forgot the name but it's a gift shop..jie asked me to buy something earlier, so just looked around with him.. remember the toy cow? when you squeeze it and let go, it'll let out some annoying sound like 'ngaaaaaaaa~' LOL we literally laughed out loud! xD 'damn funny' he said. hahaha..he also put on a crown on me hehe... sigh i miss that moment, when i just grabbed his hand and walked out of the shop..it was nothing,just holding hands but..i felt so comfortable with him..he's like another half of me..i don't know how to describe the feeling, just so wonderful...

when we were at the escalator, i remember i just went near him and kissed on his cheek, so sweet.. =) remembered also how we were so silly, saw mirrors and went like 'ahhh mirror!' lol.. we went in Parkson, saw many mirrors, we stopped at one and took few pictures..it was a full length just fyi..

'go ask the lady..'

'...ask for me..'

' =/ okay u suck.'

hahaah don't know why, but little thing he said made him even cuter!!

So in the end I couldn't find the pants I wanted..but still, we walked in another shop. I got a hoodie for him, 'wow, cool!' he took a shirt and pulled me into the fitting room..wow, it was the biggest fitting room ive ever seen..with a table and chair, and a big big mirror..cooooool sia...

I sat on his lap, he took pictures..

then he asked me to get up, I was blur for a second, he then pulled me near him, asked me to sit on his lap facing him...omg..and so I did..

'huh...why?..'

' =)..easier for us ma..'

Then we kissed..he asked 'wanna take video?'..i hesistated..'hmm really wan ar?...' so he recorded...ahh so sweet..  'really?'..I was really nervous that time.. then he was like 'yea..come...' Before that he asked in RedBox too but didn't have much space lol..=x

We were sitting on the floor, and I was thinking hard..thinking twice..

'omg..what now..this is too much..no?' I looked at him, didn't want to..then he said, 'hmm..? come darling..let you try everything in one day..' again he looked at me.. 'darling?..' he called me again, and stroked my chin.. 'we won't know when will me meet again....' He looked so freaking damn sweet..and I couldn't even resist..so in the end I nodded....

'I'll be your carpet, lie on me...'

At first I only lied beside him, then he said wrong angle lol..a lil weird and funny.. so I crossed my leg over his, and started kissing..on the floor....

It was such a bliss..indeed...it was 7pm sharp when he asked me, 'we go back at 7.20pm larh..'

Time went by soo fast! damn it, the next time I looked at my watch, it was already 7.25pm.. sigh, I got up, still sitting on the floor.. 'don't feel like getting up also..' 'yeah..' I drew myself near him and kissed him on the lips..

'this is how we started..' he said.

I smiled back..and we kissed again..

When we were kissing, he whispered into my right ear and said, 'hun..every night right, remember this...' and continued.. that moment when he said it, my heart was really melted...

So finally we got up, took a few more pictures..one was with me wearing the hoodie, and his arms were around me..I loved that one.. =)

Oh and I recalled something when we were at the escalator..

'yer~~ I don't wanna go home...' I said.

'yeah, all good things must come to an end..hate it.'

'kidnap me larh...'

then he pulled me over with his hand around my waist and said 'okay!' with his sweetest smile.

So then we were in MV,walked around..went down to the market, looked for chocolate o.o haha..couldn't find too..then we decided to go home lor..when we were on the way to KTM, his hands were around my waist.. he said, 'see, my hand can go all the way here..so thin..' I looked at him for awhile, then he said, 'blessing, blessing.' lol and I giggled.

There was also one time when I pushed his arm away and help his hand instead.. 'hehe, why? uncomfortable ar?' he asked. 'no lahh, wanna hold your hand maa..'

hehe.

When we were reaching KTM, I slowed myself down.. 'walk slower..' i said. Then he smiled at me..stroked my cheek and said, 'so sweet lah you..'

So there we were, going down the escalator to the station..there was nobody else around, and I kissed him.. 'smart girl~ I was going to do that ard..' On that same over bridge, we walked so slowly..because the time for us to be apart, was getting closer..and neither of us wanted it...

I suddenly hummed the wedding song, because of the speed of us walking haha.. then we reached the junction on the walkway..and our train was at different platforms..I was looking so sad... 'smile hun..' =)

I didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave that place and most of all, I didn't want to let go of his hands..never....but we had to..

He stayed there with me until my train came..sigh, we were just sitting behind a big box, so it kinda covered us..then we kissed.. 'later hun, leave the bst for the last..' My train arrived, the doors opened. We stood near the door, hugged and kissed each other..

That, was the last, from him..

'Bye darling..'

'....bye...='( '

And our date, has officially ended.

I was thinking, of a lot of things..

And everything I thought, was all about him..

I left at 8.30pm sharp..reached Seremban at 9.30pm. Dad came and picked me, got home around 10pm.. nothing happened,  great job!

And I'm now missing the date, right from the moment we let go of each other until now this very second..damn..I want it back!

Saw his previous FB status also, 'waiting for baby love at ktm'..he also talked a little about it in his blog.. 'Seremban is the keyword..=) '

It's 11.57pm now. I'm off.

16pages of love, till then bye!

-''

please forgive my english back then, don't forget I was talking to myself in a book with a pencil, so I was just expressing to myself heheheheeh..We looked so friggin noob last time omg, and I still think you were the most handsome guy ever back then, I must be blinded LOL lalala..

I copied everything close to 100% of what I wrote in the diary. The only difference was the spacing, and I added our photos, to help you flashback.. =)

I'm glad I wrote this down, so I could remember it forever..

3 years ago, 3 years later. wow what.

Look at how we've changed.

I don't care how your hair looked like,

I don't care how perfect your hair is now,

I don't care whether you're skinny or fat,

I don't care whether you lift or you don't.

All I've ever known was that you're the love of my life.

I never knew we could come this far.

As I type this entire post, my perception changed, my mindset changed.

It's only 3 and a half years of knowing you,

so much has changed,

but only the love hasn't.

How true is this feeling,

I don't think I need to express it.

All I could say is,

I have never, ever, felt this way before.

We've argued so much, and we've made it through.

You suck so bad sometimes,

other than that I complain of not loving you enough,

even thou I've already given 100% of my love to you.

Imperfection didn't make me stop loving you,

but it taught me how to accept you as who you are,
for I, too, am imperfect myself.

Thank you,
for being so patient with me throughout the years.

Really.

I know I suck.

I see no point typing this long thou,

cause I sounded like it's our 10th or 20th marriage anniversary wth.

So by then I have to write 10 times longer than this maybe.

o.o

Anyway,

this might just be the longest love letter from me.

WHEE I WIN.

Let me promise you again now,

baby,

that I will never stop loving you.

POSTED BY JOJO AT 2:46 AM 0 COMMENTS

YOUR DIARY POST SAFE IN MY DEAD BLOG. DON'T WORRY JOEY.

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I wrote this in my verge of being heartbroken.

TUESDAY, JUNE 24, 2014

Life.

This blog was once called Shadows of Life. Now it's called Music Feeds the Soul because she changed me as a person. I wish I can revert it back to Shadows of Life but I lost the template. I didn't know the past could come striking back at me again. Guess I was wrong. It hit me harder than I thought.

It's been five months since she broke up with me. I'm destroyed for life. If it wasn't for certain people, I would have literally died when I was still studying in USA. Yes died, as in, suicide. I believe these people are God-sent to me. Right now, think of me in a hospital ward, gravely injured, in a coma, but having a steady pulse, which is the only thing reminding people I'm alive. I don't think anyone can survive being physically and/or emotionally cheated upon. Whatever you stood for and built with blood and sweat, crumbled just like that.

I'm certain that every one of you knows what really happened, as what I provide is the truth and nothing but the truth. For those who really cared, came up to me personally and clarified, and I believe those are the people who are worth spending the time to talk to. In every situation, I believe it is unprofessional to be bias. I do not side with anyone, neither do I want people to side with me. What I stand for is the truth. Just as how some people are queasy to vulgarities, cigarette smoke or whatever, I'm queasy to lies, deceit, and secrecy.

She was my little bird, but she learned to fly a little too early. She was still too vulnerable out there and I couldn't do anything because I was in USA. Another guy came along the way and gives her a mind control potion which slowly ate her bit by bit, and she allowed it to happen. I mean, how can a guy over 9000 miles in another country compare to a guy who physically sees her almost everyday? All the odds were never in my favour to begin with.

I am getting stronger each day. And I strongly believe God manifested himself into one person, and that person just reminds me every day that I will be someone great in the future. Someone who isn't useless. Someone also told me that guys like me who loves unconditionally, who treats his girl as the most important person on earth, are extremely rare. I am also reminded that That person just said it was time that I did great things, but the only thing is I first have to reach out to Him, as His almighty hand is ready to take mine. Henceforth I am taking that Hand of God, and together with him I will do many great things.

I'm glad you guys know the truth, and nothing but the truth. Thank you guys for once looking up to me and her as a role model couple, and I'm sorry I disappointed you guys. I am abandoning this blog. This blog used to be my medium of expressing my inner feelings. My hate, my anger, my sorrow. I left this blog because I met her, when everything seemed bright to me. And now I'm leaving this blog because she left me.

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I am a person fueled by hatred, pain, and depression. These things are what mainly drive me on and gives me strength. But only one person in the world is my Kryptonite. That one person remains as my Achilles' heel.

.....

Even now, sometimes you still haunt my dreams. My dreamcatcher was suppose to do it's job to filter you away, but somehow it's letting you through. I could wake up with cold sweat, as it was all surreal. I get so angry at myself. I am still mad and angry and filled with rage. But as I type, my hatred slowly dissipates. Till now, despite everything that happened, you still have an effect over me, to calm me down. It's like somehow something just touched me and my heart is melting down. As I read your diary post again, I thank God that I was the lucky person to have given you all those experiences, and nobody else. Your post is the only reminder left for me to understand how it was all worth it. We had a fairy tale that every other couple could only dream of achieving. Whenever I tell stories about you, the only responses I had were nothing but lovely. You have locked yourself onto the fabrics of my heart and it's coursing through my veins, having a lasting impact on me wherever I go. You are my blessing and my curse, my treasure and my punishment from God. You are my angel and my dementor, my daydream and my nightmare. You are beautiful, Joey Tien. I can't believe I just uttered those words under my breath. Today will be the day my conscience lets go of your hand that it was holding on ever so tightly. Look, coincidentally today is the 15th of the month too, both in USA and Malaysia. You know what that means, don't you? If you ever forget, just look up to the full moon in the night. Now, as your image slowly fades into the distance, all that's left is the silhouette of a little girl, whom I always loved.

Dad and Mom, I weep in your courtyard as a guilty son, for I now completely understand how it was like bringing me up. I now know how it feels to bring somebody up with the result that of complete despair and disappointment. But you never hated me for the way I became. You loved me for who I am, unconditionally, wholeheartedly. I thought I understood love, but I didn't. With this, I now declare that I understand what true love is. It is pain, It is suffering. It is blood shed and tears wept and hearts broken, constantly. It was never applicable to avoid all of it, but to go through it. Ultimately, we are all stronger at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally.

--

This marks the end of this blog and the blogger. Thanks to everyone who have hitched on for the ride since this blog was created. But now, I think it's clear that it's my lifezz no more, because someone else took it from me, and comple-.....

I will leave it at that.


"Remnants of you is all I've seen,
Haunting me in places we've once been.
Devoid of emotion, hark my soul's scream.
Falling free in my midnight daydream."
 - Joshua Wong

This is Joshua Wong final blog log, signing off.