Questions.

Hello guys,

It's been like, almost a year since I blogged. This place used to be my home, my refuge. Most of you when you met me, I'd bet you don't even know this blog existed. My older friends however, do.

Also, it's been a year since I arrived in the USA. Many new changes and opportunities surfaced. I grasped each and every one of them. I was happy. It felt like my past life was preparing me for this gracious moment. For the first time ever as well, my grades were on high grounds. I am now treasurer of the Badminton club, I am in the casting crew of EpicGamingTelevision. I am experiencing snow. I busked on the streets playing piano and earned cold hard cash. I got to meet so many new people I thought I'd never be able to.

Just when I thought I had everything, I was beginning to lose sight of what's most important. It's ironic, to be the one always alert of surroundings, to be the one that always remind people of what's important. I'm just a hypocrite. I ushered in the new year of 2014 without any resolutions. Why you may ask? Simple, because I just wanted to go with the flow like who I am, and get the year done with. One of my resolutions I should have made, was to be closer with the people I care most.

Recently I have re-watched the entire episodes of The Law of Ueki. It is an anime that really shows the bonding of friendship and justice. Which made me question myself, what is my justice? Have I done justice to show people that my failures in the past have sprung me to achieve what I am now today? Or is it showing revenge to the people in the past who mocked me for who I was before? I don't know.

I think, my own justice failed. I failed to justify what was important to me. Look at the right, you see that girl? That's the girl I fell in love with more than 4 years ago. She was beautiful, and she still is. She was a small little girl, naive and gullible. I love her, till today. What you might not know is, we're in a very, very, very long distance relationship. She's grown up now, I molded her into someone strong. Similar to how I was molded, being strong, independent. I may have paid the ultimate price, to watch her grow. I regret now I did not give her enough time as she would have hoped for, breaking her heart in places I've never known. And to say all I wanted to do was give her happiness, that's fucking bullshit.

Now, she is given time to think for herself. I just feel her slipping away from me, slowly. This is her first, true, love. I have given her everything to be expected of true love. I didn't want to give false love and screw up her first love. Have I expected too much of her in return? This is my third real relationship. The worst thing that can happen to you is going wrong in places you didn't realize. To add on to that, it might be too late. What I have done for these 4 years, are they going to be in vain? I don't know. I am inadequate, I am just naive myself. Probably destined to be successful in things that don't matter to me, and fail in the things that are most important to me.

I'm sorry. You deserve someone better that could give you the attention you need. I want to be that guy, but I failed. When I looked for you, and you told me you chose to be alone instead and didn't want me, you destroyed me. Is it too late? Have you fully grown up, where there is no more little girl in you for me to sayang? I love you, and I love you forever. I am a man of my word. Unless, you are finished with me, like how every other girl was, that I loved.


..transmission complete..