What it all comes down to.

And so it began.

Tracking back our memory lane. Here goes, 3 years back.


2nd March 2010 7:31pm

I'm here tonight to remember about my first date with my Joshua Wong Jun Wai! :D It was on the 19th of Feb..


''-

I woke up, cleaned up, nervous (duh) dressed up, woke dad, and just went like that..I only had my purse and phone with me..reached train station around 8.30am..I went in straight, and when I turned..OMG! why is dad still there!! damn,die! I acted  like nothing's wrong, went back and opened car door '爸，你zomok 哦? O.o~~" he wanted to wait for Joyce and Jane.. I said they're ard on their way, and to my relief!! 'ok la ok la~' saw him drove away, i heaved a big big sigh! and hohh, as usual, i was thinking that he might stop somewhere, thinking too much..

Anyway I rushed to the counter and bought a to and fro ticket to Mid Velleyyy~ x) I even asked him which platform to go.. lol, sat somewhere, asked an auntie to double confirm, and we talked for awhile, then the train came..when I got up, dang it, so many things running in my head. I wasn't wearing specs, any man with shirt and jeans gave me a shiver..from far, yea..anyone could be him ==' yes i mean dad. haha..and then PUFF! There was a jiejie sitting next to me, so..nyeknyek..I could just ask her for help. XD

shoosh, back here lol..the train finally moved at 9am sharp..relieved! There were like 10+ stations in total..didn't count, couldn't remember...because everything seemed so blur..I was just thinking too much about him.. Our date, has finally reached.. =) Each station I passed by, my heart thumped even stronger..until I reach Kajang, there was a family with 2 adults n 3 children..or 3 young men lol..eh 3 teens la! xD  about my age. They stood in front of me..err, faced me..kinda uneasy O.o

After like one or two stations, I asked the mother beside me.. 'Auntie, 还有多少站到 MV ar?' 'ha~ 我不知道的，你问他！' She was smiling a little, pointing at her kids..they told me only 2 stations..

Ahh~ so, 2 more to go..? =)

When I finally reached, I thanked them, and went down. 'dup dup...' 'dup dup...'
Josh: (10:13am) 'Means you at mid valley liao hun?'
Me: 'Yeah O.o'
Josh: ' Actually, I'm not at mid valley, I'm at Pyramid now had skating with other friends hun..sorry baby, sudden change of plans..I'll be over there in 2 hours hun.'

HAHA he's lying, obviously! xD how could somebody type such a long msg in less than half a minute. He sure typed it before that already =x But anyway, I still went blank for awhile, and replied anyway..

Me: '...What? U kidding me hun?'

lol..I was walking up the stairs..a few sconds later I looked up...

.....man..he was standing right in front of me..... =)
'so easy kena cheat one ah you..'
I smiled..couldn't remember what I said, for I was too, nervous. Hehe..so yeah, I went through the small gate..he told the guard 'err,sudah buang o.o' he let him went thru too..(lol, small little thing i know xD memories eh!) so we walked along the over bridge..he had his hands over me, my shoulder.. =) oh ya, he passed me something too, a plastic bag.. 'nah, for u..' aww =')

I kinda opened the plastic bag, saw a little teddy =p took it out, went all 'woahhhh~' heh~ he said I looked the same in reality..until we reached the roadside, crossed the road halfway, 'close your eyes..' 'huh?why?' 'just close ur eyes..' 'why??' 'aiya ok la~' (he gave up lol)
he..took..out..a tiny box...omg...what could it be..ring?..yes ring. 'open and see'.
Very slowly, i opened the box..RING!! =D
Damn I was soo happy! ^^ 'u hv one also?' 'yeah..' we wore them on the spot..SWEET!

We walked in MV, he gave me his hand, I held his..there, we were holding hands, walking..feelings of excitement just struck in..damn..I'm walking with my boy! Told him it was actually my first time to hold someone's hand, guy, yeah..
me: 'actually no lah, first time was when i was in standard 1, the guy sits beside me one..i was on the way to toilet, then he came from behind n just grabbed my hand o.o'
Josh: 'okay, ure still innocent, forgive u.'
lols he's so cute. =p

and then, we went all the way to the other end of MV, went out, and he asked a traffic police how to get to pavillion.. later, he said, 'I thought you'll bring bag' 'no, i dont bring bag one, mafan' 'yeah I forgot, you're not normal girl also..' 'weii!'

lol..

we took taxi, there was a line of them, went to the nearest one, he asked us to go all the way to the front, he asked the middle one, again he said the same, then we went to the 2nd taxi, again, nop..lol until the first taxy, he said 'yeah, here' we laughed.

Got in, my baby talked to the driver, blabla.. We reached, got down..and he said, 'comes to socializing, I'm still the one better at it =p'

lols..Gosh I wrote 4 pages, just to talk about our journeys..lol! loads more to go! =p

We walked around looking for theater..he put his hand around my waist, ahhh...~ bought ticket, Wolfman~ He wanted to watch Percy Jackson..'i watched ard..' Valentines day was full.. 'is there any more movie with couple seats?' the counter lady said 'yes, Wolfman' ...aw sorry darling, RM15 per tix. The lady gave us Sunsilk shampoo o.o 'nolah nonit' 'it's free..' 'oh its free? o.o okla take la'.. hahah

Next to cinema was Redbox..he went to enquire bout the price and stuff..booked a room, named Joshua~lol..then we went to look for fooooood~! lols..walked around and in the end we went OldTown.. 'I phobia oldtown, cuz i lost my specs there..'

We ordered  lemon honey ice, and toasted butter. Took pictures, talked, pijak each other n stuff..lols =p we shared the food, and they gave us one OldTown calender..still with me lols..

Here comes, the most memorable moment..we walked around, and without realizing, we're at some secluded place..no one else we could see, only both of us..and then, he pulled me into a janitor's walkway..we hugged.....for the first time, i hugged a guy..so tightly, so lovely..and suddenly, 'DOM' a lady came out from nowhere! We let go of each other, well it was actually me who pulled myself away but, he was still holding me, drew me close again..'its ok lah, couple mah..' he said.

then, we noticed a door..woo~ o.o he went in, i was pretending to read the notice on the wall..the lady came back..so i went in the door too..ahh perfect! now nobody can see us =p

he hugged me once again, and leaned on the wall..I was so close to him...hands on his chest, his were around my waist, holding me so close! and then, slowly...he held my face... 'come, darling..' he said. I looked up and..

*kisss..

I went blank, totally blank!

I couldn't believe I was doing that...no way...

I gave away my first kiss, to the one I love soo much! The only thing in my mind, was just him and him alone..

'clarkk' kacau, a guy walked out from a door not far away..what the heck, another door? lol... we stopped for a moment..ohya, the plastic bag, I left it on the floor liao..until the guy left, we went close again.

*hugs.. and for the second time, *kisss... I could feel him...our lips pressed against each other's...the kiss.....

We stopped, in each other's arms, melted..and then looked at the watch, it was almost 12pm, our movie was about to start..so yea, we left..

On the way to theater, he whispered 'You just learned how to french kiss...' he's so sweet...

We went in cinema, sat right at the top row..he wrapped his hands around my body..ahh..throughout the whole movie, we only talked a little.. 'I wasn't concentrating at all..' 'yea, me too..'

And hence the movie.

It ended at 2pm..we went for food~ round n round..didn't know what to eat..couldn't find McD, woot ==' he told me he did a test, and it said he's the leader type.. 'They said, leader can never be together with another leader' We looked at each other..O.O 'oh that means I can't be a leader lor?' 'You're already one what...'

And finally, we went foodcourt, western food! Pizza wheee! 'Anything with cheese~'...and he hugged me from behind..so wheee,  we ordered cheese pizza, I paid. lol. We sat at a corner, face to face.

'let's give thanks..' *closes eyes*

he was mumbling, I only could hear this, 'pelajar yg bukan Islam sila...'

'Oii! properly la xD'

He kept on doing that till I pinched his face =p

'hahaha, okok..'

He's so cute.. =)

So he prayed, Amen! (oh and he took the wrong cutlery lols..)

Makan halfway, '3rd one?' he nodded. 'o.o..still the first..' 'haha..' He gave me the one with lotsa cheese~ 'you take lahh...just take it, I know you want it..heheh' He fed me the first bite..

9:37pm now..wrote for 2 hours =p 9th page ard....anyway, I'll stop here..wanna on9 wohoo~ tmr Sports day (wed) no school! x) kies, continue later, or maybe tomorrow =x, byes!

-''

3rd March 2010 10:38pm

Just finished my account homework~ Okay, I shall continue with my date =p

''-

After makan, we walked to Redbox..before that we bought an ice cream..Rm7+, I paid, he fed me.. o.o Redbox was cool, like it lols..only both of us in there, so whee, you know larh xP we sang a few songs, ordered Sprite, took pictures, blabla..we even took turn to wear specs lol..

I sang Lee Hom's song, he changed the key for me, recorded somemore!

Oh ya, he damn cute..cause I said, 'Percy Jackson nice larr, leng zaii maa..' then he looked at me like this >> O-o...hahaha *pinch!

We sang 你是我心内的一首歌, recorded that too~ and yea, I sat on his lap..lol..until suddenly my phone beeped, 姐sms me, 'mii ask u take lots pics show us..' he went 'shit.'...i was worried, so i got up and sat on the sofa, worried. He hugged me, 'why worry..'

4pm+, one lady came in and told us that the buffet will end at 5pm, so we went out for food. The buffet was very nice, only we couldn't find suitable food lol..was very cold, then he got me a big warm bowl..whee. I held the bowl, and he hugged me... =)

No food in the end, so we went back in lor..I couldn't really remember what we did after that..he asked me to drink, so I took the glass and drank with the straw, he then said something about my character lol. He drank without straw, and he said he was another type of person, forgot what was it. o.o aiya don't bother larr not important hahax. Most important part was, we kissed in the room too..ahh..I can never, forget, his kiss..sigh...

He sang a song, something like err, Sandy or Randy.. 'stand up, stand up..' blabla, I forgot, it's a rap song, and woahh, don't know why, but he sounded so...nice! despite that the lyrics was a little..swt.. 'sorry lah, exposed to you these kind of songs..' heh..when time finally came to an end, we hugged and kissed, and went out of Red Box, took taxi from Pavillion to MV..we asked a few cabs, they charge rm25, we didnt want, so he said we can walk to KL centre and take monorail o.o... so we asked the last cab, the driver said rm20 so we took it..he was holding me in the cab..and when we were in Pavillion, we talked alot..

he asked, 'when's your birthday?' I was like OMG!you forgot! dang, I was a lil disappointed..how could he..TT so I told him October.. 'hmm, still so long..' then I asked, 'do u rmb my hp number?' 'yea, 0169552820'.. then i was like O.o..'woah..i can't rmb urs haha' 'k la, forgive you, fair enough'..

hehe, i love talking and joke like this with him, he's so cute... =)

We shopped for clothes. I mean, I wanted to look for pants, and to buy something, just to cover up the bear o.o couldn't find. so we went in a shop, forgot the name but it's a gift shop..jie asked me to buy something earlier, so just looked around with him.. remember the toy cow? when you squeeze it and let go, it'll let out some annoying sound like 'ngaaaaaaaa~' LOL we literally laughed out loud! xD 'damn funny' he said. hahaha..he also put on a crown on me hehe... sigh i miss that moment, when i just grabbed his hand and walked out of the shop..it was nothing,just holding hands but..i felt so comfortable with him..he's like another half of me..i don't know how to describe the feeling, just so wonderful...

when we were at the escalator, i remember i just went near him and kissed on his cheek, so sweet.. =) remembered also how we were so silly, saw mirrors and went like 'ahhh mirror!' lol.. we went in Parkson, saw many mirrors, we stopped at one and took few pictures..it was a full length just fyi..

'go ask the lady..'

'...ask for me..'

' =/ okay u suck.'

hahaah don't know why, but little thing he said made him even cuter!!

So in the end I couldn't find the pants I wanted..but still, we walked in another shop. I got a hoodie for him, 'wow, cool!' he took a shirt and pulled me into the fitting room..wow, it was the biggest fitting room ive ever seen..with a table and chair, and a big big mirror..cooooool sia...

I sat on his lap, he took pictures..

then he asked me to get up, I was blur for a second, he then pulled me near him, asked me to sit on his lap facing him...omg..and so I did..

'huh...why?..'

' =)..easier for us ma..'

Then we kissed..he asked 'wanna take video?'..i hesistated..'hmm really wan ar?...' so he recorded...ahh so sweet..  'really?'..I was really nervous that time.. then he was like 'yea..come...' Before that he asked in RedBox too but didn't have much space lol..=x

We were sitting on the floor, and I was thinking hard..thinking twice..

'omg..what now..this is too much..no?' I looked at him, didn't want to..then he said, 'hmm..? come darling..let you try everything in one day..' again he looked at me.. 'darling?..' he called me again, and stroked my chin.. 'we won't know when will me meet again....' He looked so freaking damn sweet..and I couldn't even resist..so in the end I nodded....

'I'll be your carpet, lie on me...'

At first I only lied beside him, then he said wrong angle lol..a lil weird and funny.. so I crossed my leg over his, and started kissing..on the floor....

It was such a bliss..indeed...it was 7pm sharp when he asked me, 'we go back at 7.20pm larh..'

Time went by soo fast! damn it, the next time I looked at my watch, it was already 7.25pm.. sigh, I got up, still sitting on the floor.. 'don't feel like getting up also..' 'yeah..' I drew myself near him and kissed him on the lips..

'this is how we started..' he said.

I smiled back..and we kissed again..

When we were kissing, he whispered into my right ear and said, 'hun..every night right, remember this...' and continued.. that moment when he said it, my heart was really melted...

So finally we got up, took a few more pictures..one was with me wearing the hoodie, and his arms were around me..I loved that one.. =)

Oh and I recalled something when we were at the escalator..

'yer~~ I don't wanna go home...' I said.

'yeah, all good things must come to an end..hate it.'

'kidnap me larh...'

then he pulled me over with his hand around my waist and said 'okay!' with his sweetest smile.

So then we were in MV,walked around..went down to the market, looked for chocolate o.o haha..couldn't find too..then we decided to go home lor..when we were on the way to KTM, his hands were around my waist.. he said, 'see, my hand can go all the way here..so thin..' I looked at him for awhile, then he said, 'blessing, blessing.' lol and I giggled.

There was also one time when I pushed his arm away and help his hand instead.. 'hehe, why? uncomfortable ar?' he asked. 'no lahh, wanna hold your hand maa..'

hehe.

When we were reaching KTM, I slowed myself down.. 'walk slower..' i said. Then he smiled at me..stroked my cheek and said, 'so sweet lah you..'

So there we were, going down the escalator to the station..there was nobody else around, and I kissed him.. 'smart girl~ I was going to do that ard..' On that same over bridge, we walked so slowly..because the time for us to be apart, was getting closer..and neither of us wanted it...

I suddenly hummed the wedding song, because of the speed of us walking haha.. then we reached the junction on the walkway..and our train was at different platforms..I was looking so sad... 'smile hun..' =)

I didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave that place and most of all, I didn't want to let go of his hands..never....but we had to..

He stayed there with me until my train came..sigh, we were just sitting behind a big box, so it kinda covered us..then we kissed.. 'later hun, leave the bst for the last..' My train arrived, the doors opened. We stood near the door, hugged and kissed each other..

That, was the last, from him..

'Bye darling..'

'....bye...='( '

And our date, has officially ended.

I was thinking, of a lot of things..

And everything I thought, was all about him..

I left at 8.30pm sharp..reached Seremban at 9.30pm. Dad came and picked me, got home around 10pm.. nothing happened,  great job!

And I'm now missing the date, right from the moment we let go of each other until now this very second..damn..I want it back!

Saw his previous FB status also, 'waiting for baby love at ktm'..he also talked a little about it in his blog.. 'Seremban is the keyword..=) '

It's 11.57pm now. I'm off.

16pages of love, till then bye!

-''

please forgive my english back then, don't forget I was talking to myself in a book with a pencil, so I was just expressing to myself heheheheeh..We looked so friggin noob last time omg, and I still think you were the most handsome guy ever back then, I must be blinded LOL lalala..

I copied everything close to 100% of what I wrote in the diary. The only difference was the spacing, and I added our photos, to help you flashback.. =)

I'm glad I wrote this down, so I could remember it forever..

3 years ago, 3 years later. wow what.

Look at how we've changed.

I don't care how your hair looked like,

I don't care how perfect your hair is now,

I don't care whether you're skinny or fat,

I don't care whether you lift or you don't.

All I've ever known was that you're the love of my life.

I never knew we could come this far.

As I type this entire post, my perception changed, my mindset changed.

It's only 3 and a half years of knowing you,

so much has changed,

but only the love hasn't.

How true is this feeling,

I don't think I need to express it.

All I could say is,

I have never, ever, felt this way before.

We've argued so much, and we've made it through.

You suck so bad sometimes,

other than that I complain of not loving you enough,

even thou I've already given 100% of my love to you.

Imperfection didn't make me stop loving you,

but it taught me how to accept you as who you are,
for I, too, am imperfect myself.

Thank you,
for being so patient with me throughout the years.

Really.

I know I suck.

I see no point typing this long thou,

cause I sounded like it's our 10th or 20th marriage anniversary wth.

So by then I have to write 10 times longer than this maybe.

o.o

Anyway,

this might just be the longest love letter from me.

WHEE I WIN.

Let me promise you again now,

baby,

that I will never stop loving you.

POSTED BY JOJO AT 2:46 AM 0 COMMENTS

YOUR DIARY POST SAFE IN MY DEAD BLOG. DON'T WORRY JOEY.

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I wrote this in my verge of being heartbroken.

TUESDAY, JUNE 24, 2014

Life.

This blog was once called Shadows of Life. Now it's called Music Feeds the Soul because she changed me as a person. I wish I can revert it back to Shadows of Life but I lost the template. I didn't know the past could come striking back at me again. Guess I was wrong. It hit me harder than I thought.

It's been five months since she broke up with me. I'm destroyed for life. If it wasn't for certain people, I would have literally died when I was still studying in USA. Yes died, as in, suicide. I believe these people are God-sent to me. Right now, think of me in a hospital ward, gravely injured, in a coma, but having a steady pulse, which is the only thing reminding people I'm alive. I don't think anyone can survive being physically and/or emotionally cheated upon. Whatever you stood for and built with blood and sweat, crumbled just like that.

I'm certain that every one of you knows what really happened, as what I provide is the truth and nothing but the truth. For those who really cared, came up to me personally and clarified, and I believe those are the people who are worth spending the time to talk to. In every situation, I believe it is unprofessional to be bias. I do not side with anyone, neither do I want people to side with me. What I stand for is the truth. Just as how some people are queasy to vulgarities, cigarette smoke or whatever, I'm queasy to lies, deceit, and secrecy.

She was my little bird, but she learned to fly a little too early. She was still too vulnerable out there and I couldn't do anything because I was in USA. Another guy came along the way and gives her a mind control potion which slowly ate her bit by bit, and she allowed it to happen. I mean, how can a guy over 9000 miles in another country compare to a guy who physically sees her almost everyday? All the odds were never in my favour to begin with.

I am getting stronger each day. And I strongly believe God manifested himself into one person, and that person just reminds me every day that I will be someone great in the future. Someone who isn't useless. Someone also told me that guys like me who loves unconditionally, who treats his girl as the most important person on earth, are extremely rare. I am also reminded that That person just said it was time that I did great things, but the only thing is I first have to reach out to Him, as His almighty hand is ready to take mine. Henceforth I am taking that Hand of God, and together with him I will do many great things.

I'm glad you guys know the truth, and nothing but the truth. Thank you guys for once looking up to me and her as a role model couple, and I'm sorry I disappointed you guys. I am abandoning this blog. This blog used to be my medium of expressing my inner feelings. My hate, my anger, my sorrow. I left this blog because I met her, when everything seemed bright to me. And now I'm leaving this blog because she left me.

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I am a person fueled by hatred, pain, and depression. These things are what mainly drive me on and gives me strength. But only one person in the world is my Kryptonite. That one person remains as my Achilles' heel.

.....

Even now, sometimes you still haunt my dreams. My dreamcatcher was suppose to do it's job to filter you away, but somehow it's letting you through. I could wake up with cold sweat, as it was all surreal. I get so angry at myself. I am still mad and angry and filled with rage. But as I type, my hatred slowly dissipates. Till now, despite everything that happened, you still have an effect over me, to calm me down. It's like somehow something just touched me and my heart is melting down. As I read your diary post again, I thank God that I was the lucky person to have given you all those experiences, and nobody else. Your post is the only reminder left for me to understand how it was all worth it. We had a fairy tale that every other couple could only dream of achieving. Whenever I tell stories about you, the only responses I had were nothing but lovely. You have locked yourself onto the fabrics of my heart and it's coursing through my veins, having a lasting impact on me wherever I go. You are my blessing and my curse, my treasure and my punishment from God. You are my angel and my dementor, my daydream and my nightmare. You are beautiful, Joey Tien. I can't believe I just uttered those words under my breath. Today will be the day my conscience lets go of your hand that it was holding on ever so tightly. Look, coincidentally today is the 15th of the month too, both in USA and Malaysia. You know what that means, don't you? If you ever forget, just look up to the full moon in the night. Now, as your image slowly fades into the distance, all that's left is the silhouette of a little girl, whom I always loved.

Dad and Mom, I weep in your courtyard as a guilty son, for I now completely understand how it was like bringing me up. I now know how it feels to bring somebody up with the result that of complete despair and disappointment. But you never hated me for the way I became. You loved me for who I am, unconditionally, wholeheartedly. I thought I understood love, but I didn't. With this, I now declare that I understand what true love is. It is pain, It is suffering. It is blood shed and tears wept and hearts broken, constantly. It was never applicable to avoid all of it, but to go through it. Ultimately, we are all stronger at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally.

--

This marks the end of this blog and the blogger. Thanks to everyone who have hitched on for the ride since this blog was created. But now, I think it's clear that it's my lifezz no more, because someone else took it from me, and comple-.....

I will leave it at that.


"Remnants of you is all I've seen,
Haunting me in places we've once been.
Devoid of emotion, hark my soul's scream.
Falling free in my midnight daydream."
 - Joshua Wong

This is Joshua Wong final blog log, signing off.

But..

It's been a month since we broke up. Are you stalking my blog too?..How are you?.. What are you doing?.. I miss asking all these questions to do that symbolized that we cared about each other. Now no more.

Today would have been our 51st month together, but no. I know of some of the things you did and you didn't tell me. I fought very hard myself to forgive you for doing those. Why would you have to lie to me, when I never would have done such a thing to you? Never mind, you found more happiness and I found sorrow. I told people now I'm fine, but deep down I'm still hoping that you would return. If I said I've moved on, doesn't mean I will be okay for the next few years. If I said I've let you go, doesn't mean I've gotten over you. You left me alone, back in the darkness of where I used to dwell. I was cold and alone. But I'm sure, you somehow felt the same way too.

I wish we could have worked things out, but you were tired. I wish when you were that tired, I could have been your bed to sleep on, to cradle you like a baby..I can't even type baby now without feeling a tremendous heartbreak. I wished I hugged you and kissed you before I left the airport, so you could have remembered that sense of longing, but I was stupid and agreed with you that we shouldn't because I didn't wanna see you cry. When I left, you just looked to your left and held back your tears, the exact same way you did on Skype when I had my final talk with you.

You say as you recover, your feelings are fading for me. Has it completely faded? How can true love disappear..But, mine has never, disappeared. I can't bring myself to stop finding you. Instagram, where I'm seeing some of the most painful things. Your blog, which your latest photo was in somebody's passenger seat, I don't wanna imagine who the driver was. Plus you have removed the swing, and now the banner photos of us. Friends for Sale, where we first met. Yet each time I bring myself to your profile and I feel the heartbreak and I am forced to close it immediately every time your music started playing. That's why I said, I cannot bring myself to accept being just friends with you when every little thing I do reminds me of you. That's why you wanted didn't you? To think of you everything I do. Now it's biting me back so hard.

What was the real reason you left me? Too many circumstances have come to lead me to believe that the answer is still hidden in you. You said it was painful to say this to me: I don't want to say this, but I hope God sends you the right girl, and it will be your last. If it isn't about feelings, if you have been done with me. Why would it have hurt? Was the long distance finally reaching your limit? You had to find refuge and comfort within someone closer to you that you were willing to finally drop 4 years of everything? This time, I wasn't there, physically, when it happened. I didn't have any opportunity to even try to save it. But, I know you'll disagree saying that I had over 4 years to help improve. I'm sorry.

I know regardless of whatever I do now, I cannot redeem myself for your pain you suffered. I just thought our love was strong enough, but..it wasn't. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Phil 4:13". It was on the other side of this paper in the box that you gave me me before I left Malaysia.. 



See, the light is still working. Still burning on, at least mine is. You have given your heart to me, and I have given mine to you. Have you, taken it back forever... If you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength, would he give you the strength to help you and me recover this broken relationship together? Because I'm letting him.

Please, my one and only, lovely God given Joey,...come back...

Questions.

Hello guys,

It's been like, almost a year since I blogged. This place used to be my home, my refuge. Most of you when you met me, I'd bet you don't even know this blog existed. My older friends however, do.

Also, it's been a year since I arrived in the USA. Many new changes and opportunities surfaced. I grasped each and every one of them. I was happy. It felt like my past life was preparing me for this gracious moment. For the first time ever as well, my grades were on high grounds. I am now treasurer of the Badminton club, I am in the casting crew of EpicGamingTelevision. I am experiencing snow. I busked on the streets playing piano and earned cold hard cash. I got to meet so many new people I thought I'd never be able to.

Just when I thought I had everything, I was beginning to lose sight of what's most important. It's ironic, to be the one always alert of surroundings, to be the one that always remind people of what's important. I'm just a hypocrite. I ushered in the new year of 2014 without any resolutions. Why you may ask? Simple, because I just wanted to go with the flow like who I am, and get the year done with. One of my resolutions I should have made, was to be closer with the people I care most.

Recently I have re-watched the entire episodes of The Law of Ueki. It is an anime that really shows the bonding of friendship and justice. Which made me question myself, what is my justice? Have I done justice to show people that my failures in the past have sprung me to achieve what I am now today? Or is it showing revenge to the people in the past who mocked me for who I was before? I don't know.

I think, my own justice failed. I failed to justify what was important to me. Look at the right, you see that girl? That's the girl I fell in love with more than 4 years ago. She was beautiful, and she still is. She was a small little girl, naive and gullible. I love her, till today. What you might not know is, we're in a very, very, very long distance relationship. She's grown up now, I molded her into someone strong. Similar to how I was molded, being strong, independent. I may have paid the ultimate price, to watch her grow. I regret now I did not give her enough time as she would have hoped for, breaking her heart in places I've never known. And to say all I wanted to do was give her happiness, that's fucking bullshit.

Now, she is given time to think for herself. I just feel her slipping away from me, slowly. This is her first, true, love. I have given her everything to be expected of true love. I didn't want to give false love and screw up her first love. Have I expected too much of her in return? This is my third real relationship. The worst thing that can happen to you is going wrong in places you didn't realize. To add on to that, it might be too late. What I have done for these 4 years, are they going to be in vain? I don't know. I am inadequate, I am just naive myself. Probably destined to be successful in things that don't matter to me, and fail in the things that are most important to me.

I'm sorry. You deserve someone better that could give you the attention you need. I want to be that guy, but I failed. When I looked for you, and you told me you chose to be alone instead and didn't want me, you destroyed me. Is it too late? Have you fully grown up, where there is no more little girl in you for me to sayang? I love you, and I love you forever. I am a man of my word. Unless, you are finished with me, like how every other girl was, that I loved.


..transmission complete..

A trip down memory lane. I mean, school walkway.

On the 2nd day of school-reopening, I decided to do something crazy. I went back to high school, SMK Seafield it was. Looking around, I seen so many changes. Simply speaking, I was here just for memory flashbacks, see some friends, speak(mess) with teachers. Oh did I mention, I went back in school uniform.

YOLO mode activated.

I could have easily passed off as still a high school student, except I forgot about the most important element - the hair. I thought to myself ah well dammit just go on with it. First I went into the teachers' office, and was immediately greeted with different gestures and expressions. Some didn't look too happy, some were shocked(in a good way), whilst others remain oblivious. Some awesome ones like Pn. Doris, Pn. Chow, Pn. Latha, Pn. Poh, Pn. Sophia were all there. 

Next I got caught by the discipline teachers. Wow they had a new one, Pn. Tan or something. Pn. Sujatha remained as the head-discipline teacher but Pn. Ung became an ordinary discipline teacher, which was weird because she WAS the head-discipline teacher before Pn. Sujatha took over for her 6 month holiday trip. Anyway, this Pn. Tan looked over and called "Boy, why your hair like that one? What class are you?!" I was gonna crap something but Pn. Sujatha smiled and said "This isn't a student, an EX student". Well we had fun chatting.

Cover blown =/

But they did mention about me being in school uniform and appearing around like that. Bring bad image to the school they said. Well, the new discipline teacher said that, not Pn. Sujatha. C: She actually smiled.

But I gave that a thought and well, it's true in a sense. But that yet sparked another desire in me to go survey the teachers for some reason, and so I did. To my surprise, most teachers have a changed mindset for the better good. But there are STILL some teachers still have a closed up, traditional, and somehow are intolerant to the developing culture of the YZ generation. In layman's terms, there are just that few teachers that remain idiotic to you when you provide reasonable explanations and corresponds to what is more likely called the "hatred between a student and teacher" phenomena.

It's alright, their mindsets weren't that much of an importance to me, at least not anymore. 3 years have passed and each time I visited back here(I have only visited 3 times including this), I feel a change. Be it the community, building new blocks, or even school system changes, it was still change. But the teachers, not really much. This is coming from a perspective of an outsider. You can never notice it because when one immerses oneself into the culture, they continuously buy into the culture and the thoughts of these people are clouded, just solely because they will always stick to the majority.

Majority isn't always right, and that's why there is nothing wrong in being different.

I met Pn. Ung in the canteen while I was eating. Yeah I was snapped by her about my hair, but that's all to it. We went on to chat about my future studies, when I was going to fly and stuff. I too said I was just here to just walk down memory lane. She said: "This is your past chapter of the book, now the chapter is closed and here comes the new chapter of your life" I merely responded: "That's the whole point of it being a book, because the best part is that pages can always be flipped back and be read again".

Being in school, I didn't bring back much traditional studies and knowledge and what not. But what I did take home was the experience on how to live in this world, the understanding above others to know what are essential to the plot of the story(high school, work, society), as well as the advantage to decipher psychological readings of another person.

I am not a good student, and I admit that. I have ADHD, but I never used that excuse. I just did what was necessary to survive in high school. Through the bullying, through the suffering, through the isolation, through the negligence of both the society and understanding subjects, I learned to live. I have observed Seafield for as long as the 5 years I have been studying in it. Never once I buy myself into that culture there. My mentality and others just do not clique together. Nevertheless, I had a few good friends. I never forget who they are. Just proud that I have the quality, and not the quantity.

There goes my memories of form 4 and form 5 life, skipping classes to just stroll around and think, because I sometimes get too tired of even sleeping in class. Teachers were already done with me since then. Usually, I will end up in the Bilik Pengawas playing the piano. I almost got busted 4 times, but that's the thrill of it. Contentment comes in the form of passion. I was just merely doing what I do best. 

I came into the school, immediately got stares from students(long hair of course), busted by teachers thinking that I was a student, acting I was actually a student here to some prefects who were scouting around thinking I was skipping class, (and again about the hair). Even some of the students were jeering at me. I heard names being called out at me, and some snickered. This is society. I gotten used to it. I did not walk in just to show my hair as some people said. More of a metaphor of how quickly one person can be judged based on looks alone. It seemed to escalate further than I thought. I continued my walk through the botanic gardens and the Seafield Hall. I continued to see people I know.

I was a walking relic of memoir. Everyone that saw me and walked up to me and said how long they did not see me and how time flies so quickly. I took on the act to be the memoir relic to spark flashbacks in teachers especially. So many teachers said it was just like yesterday they saw me in school. To be honest, I just thought that the teachers deserve a catalyst to think back in time. Some teachers just teach blindly for years. Form 5 leaves, Form 1 comes in, and the infinite cycle continues. It continues for so long until teachers get lost in their own void of time. I do feel for the teachers too. They're just carrying out their duty. Sparking their flashbacks to not only about me, they would have thought back about other students too after seeing me, and that was just my 10-second engineered goal.

Teachers do deserve to smile, sometimes.

I'm done here. This YOLO event for me was just something to fill up my time before I leave to the states.  Going back to visit an old school is normal, but doing it in school uniform allows you more authenticity to the feeling. It's alright to be different, but you have to know how to be. Everybody wants to look to the future, but you will always need to check your closet to search for remnants of memories that put a smile on your face. A strong person isn't created through hard work, a strong person is toughened with sticks and stones that break the bones. Lastly, to those whose lives are square, do things that gives you topics to talk about in a mamak stall, something small and fun that makes you think to yourself and say: I'm glad I did that.

I'm glad I did that.

Yours truly,

J̶o̶s̶h̶u̶a̶ ̶♥̶ ̶J̶o̶e̶y̶ 
Joshua Wong 
(Edited 9 July 2014) 

17 months, what?

Yes, it's been 17 months. A blissful 17 months.

Hope you're having fun at NS baby. I've been missing you. Meanwhile since you can't read this, imma crap some stuff.

...

You brought colour into my life, you never fail to make me smile (even though sometimes I act oblivious to it). You're what every man wants, needs, and provide. Love. 17 months sweep by like a breeze. I smile when I think bout our first touch, hug, and kiss. You're perfect in the eyes of every lover. You're beautiful, you're sexy, you're the best thing that ever happened in my life, and you always will be. You're the little dime I found sitting lonely on the pavement, and I'm gonna take care of it because you're my lucky dime.

I'm so glad our love is true,

everlasting.

"I love you long time so you know the meaning."
I Just Can't Get Enough - Black Eyed Peas

Yours truly,

- josh ♥ babyjoey ~

A touch of nature.

Ok it's been seriously a while since my last update. Semester 2 of ADP was really much harder then Semester 1. But no matter, I still love it.

I will not post chronologically, but I'll announce what I can.

Derp.

I recently found a new passion. Dancing! *Double derp* Here's the story. I was out to meet Jian Ming's cousin for the first time, its cool to meet new guys especially over gaming (no I am not gay). Arranged for a meeting at Taylor's Canadian Pre-U building. He was in the dance room. The minute I walked in, I feel some spider sense tingling. The music beats were making my body shake. I was like damn, those dancers are popping real good.

(in case I forgot to mention, the dance I meant was popping and bboys).

And and, those people there are so awesome. Meeting some of them there, and we feel like old friends already. I will definitely hangout over there often.

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I remember a trip from Bukit Gasing, I caught this shot.

Imba much?

On a nostalgic note, I miss my baby in US.

Come back soon, a loving hug and kiss awaits. From me to you.

Yours truly,

- josh ♥ babyjoey ~

Soul Relievo'

How long has it been, since Shadows of Life vanished from existence?
Any blog stalkers of mine would know what my Shadows of Life mean.

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But seriously, no matter how much one has changed, a fragment of the past always lies deep within the soul awaiting for the next calling.

The soul
Be it human or creature,
How long more will it lay dormant, no living could fathom.
But it's a soul of vengeance, a vengeful spirit.
A shell I am,
The shell that houses souls that screams like a thousand banshees.

Till then, a benign spirit sheaths the face.
May the cape draping behind never uncloaks the reign of terror
Revealing the evil eye.
Blinking sideways.
I rest my case.

Dwelling in the void between life and death
The boundaries narrow itself.
Nowhere to thread, I shunned the world,
As I see the walls of my reality closing upon me.

No fire burns my will,
No lightning strikes my strength
No danger shreds my soul,
The road not taken,
The journey no other walks,
That is only what I yearn for.

Bestowing power, may Thy bidding be done upon the sanction of great power.

Yours truly,
- Josh ♥ Joey ~

Backtrack.

Back from the physical world, enter the virtual.

Many updates waiting in line, thus it shall be done. Procrastination is the key to self-destruction.

- - - - - - -

Let's begin with college. So yeah I've ended up at Taylor's Lakeside Campus doing American Degree Transfer Program, majoring in Mass Communications. Made a bunch of new friends, and they're awesome people. To sum it up: good surroundings, good friends, good environment, good restaurants, fits pretty much every attribute requirement on my list.

- - - - - - -

Oh yeah, I have my own car now, but it's some retarded car. Kia Rio 1.5. 95% of you reading this will not have any freakin idea what car is that, which is the whole point of it being retarded. But I'm optimistic. I'll just say it's at least better than any proton.

Lol whut.


Entering into exactly 1 month since I started my course, I can rest assured that ADP really works out for me. (for now)

2 weeks ago, and 4 days ago i think, Baby came over! Forgive me if I went hyper.

Fun begins in Jusco's fitting room when I was buying new jeans.






Trying to look awesome, but failing badly.


TEEHEE


PDA in Pyramids' 4th floor toilet for the disabled. The rest, fill in the blanks. To those who don't know what PDA means, watch more Peter Chao.
(I chose not to write 'disabled toilet' because it would sound so wrong in so many levels).

2 days ago, I went to retrieve my SPM results, also known as Super Professional Mentality results. A series of unexpected things happened: I expected 3A's, I had 4. I expected 4 fails, but I got 1. Personally, I think this is an achievement, considering somebody who doesn't study, sleeps in 8 classes out of 10, and doing anything else but study. Don't get me wrong I ain't bragging, just glad that I achieved my requirements to move on. Yes just requirements.

The following shows my results.

Bahasa Melayu: B

Bahasa English: A-

Mathematics : A-

Moral : A

Physics : B

Chemistry : C+

Biology : D

Add Maths : E

Sejarah : G

EST : A+

Chronologically arranged is it not? Damn it just gets me wondering how are you managing to handle academics. Once again, if you have been reading my blog, you would acknowledge how much I despise academics and how much I sleep through every class. Nevertheless, personally I feel glad much for being able to pull off with these grades. I do know stronger academically inclined people getting lesser A's than me, but I won't refer any names. Nothing for you Straight A's people to look at, go eat your chemistry or calculus books thank you very much, and being able to shit out all the information onto a piece of paper.

Also, a huge congratulations to my baby for getting 9A's and 1B for her results. You make me so proud sweetheart. Isn't it not surprising that chinese always lets you down? =)

In a fitting room, where everything fits, and nothing else matters.

Fuck macbook seriously, keeps displaying HTML Tags error, and my font colours disappear. Fuck you Mac.

Yours truly,

- Josh ♥ Jojo ~